IN SEARCH OF MY "ONE-AND-ONLY":
ROMANCE-RELATED MEDIA AND BELIEFS IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP DESTINY *

Bjarne M. Holmes
Heriot-Watt University, Edinburgh, UK

Abstract: Media seem saturated with messages about romantic relationships. Yet very scarce work has been done looking at connections between romance-oriented media and people's beliefs about relationships. Using 294 undergraduate students, an exploratory study found an association between preference for/like of romance-oriented media and two relationship-as-destiny-oriented beliefs: belief in predestined soul mates (β = .27, p < .001) and that “mind reading is expected in relationships” (β = .21, p < .001). These findings held even while taking into account the influence of participant gender and relationship experiences. The utility of both cultivation and social-cognitive theory for explaining the initial findings and for future work are discussed. More extensive research is called for.

“I've just spent the entire flight, staring into the sky thinking… not about my fiancé, but about this mystery guy I met a million and a half hours ago… a guy I don't even remember except for this vague picture I have inside my head… it was just a few seconds … a fragment, really…and it was like, in that moment, the whole universe existed just to bring us together. That's why I'm here; that's why I'm going to let fate take me where it wants to go! …” (Osher et al., 2001, Serendipity, 00:46:13 - 00:46:52).

Television, motion pictures, novels, and magazines seem saturated with messages, such as the one above, that either directly or indirectly suggest that a “one and only” predestined soul mate awaits discovery. Yet, we know very little about whether such messages, in addition to personal experiences and observations of the romantic relationships of others, are related to people's beliefs about relationships. The notion that one can find a romantic partner who fits perfectly with preconceived standards is an unrealistic view that fails to take into account the work required to develop and maintain a healthy and loving relationship (Baucom et al., 1996; Eidelson & Epstein, 1982). Yet, Bachen and Illouz (1996) found that 90% of young people look to movies and 94% to television for information about love, while only 33% turn to their mother and 17% to their father. Given this popularity of media for information about love, we need to explore if ideas about romance and relationships as portrayed in media are related to ideas held by individuals. This research note presents exploratory work on the topic.

Beliefs in Relationship Destiny

To believe that destiny plays a role in romance and relationships implies that potential romantic partners might be meant for each other based on predestined factors (Franiuk, Cohen, & Pomerantz, 2002; Knee et al., 2001). Embedded in this belief is the idea that there is a predestined soul mate “out there” and that relationship happiness will be instantly achieved and maintained if that special person can be located. Also implied by this belief is the idea that long-term relationship success might not be attainable with anyone else except for that one “true” soul mate (Franiuk, Cohen, & Pomerantz, 2002). A belief in relationship destiny has been associated with people more quickly ending a relationship when problems arise, having shorter relationships when initial satisfaction is low, and longer relationships when initial satisfaction is high (Knee, 1998). In contrast, Knee et al. (2001) have shown that people who believe that successful relationships are cultivated and evolve over time exhibit more relationship satisfaction and less interest in diagnosing the relationship as entirely good or bad.

Extensive research on dysfunctional relationship beliefs (Baucom et al., 1996; Eidelson & Epstein, 1982; Epstein & Eidelson, 1981) has demonstrated a number of powerful misconceived attitudes about romantic relationships with particular relevance to beliefs in relationship destiny: the expectation that if partners are “truly” meant for each other 1) they should have a complete understanding of each other's needs and desires with little or no effort (so called “mind-reading”) and 2) sex in a relationship should be “perfect” and without effort. Both of these beliefs have been linked to decreased relationship satisfaction (Baucom & Epstein, 1990; Baucom et al., 1996; Bradbury & Fincham, 1987; Kurdek, 1992), increased relationship distress (Eidelson & Epstein, 1982; Epstein & Eidelson, 1981), and destructive problem-solving responses in relationships (Metts & Cupach, 1990). In general, women and men endorse these types of relationship beliefs to the same degree (see e.g., Fitzpatrick & Sollie, 1999).

Relationship Destiny in Popular Media

Little work has been done on the romance-related content of popular media, and more extensive content analyses are called for. However, Tanner, Haddock, Zimmerman, and Lund (2003), in analyzing the content of themes of families and couples in 26 Disney animated movies, found that a major theme was the notion of “love at first sight.” The majority of the movies analyzed (18 of the 26) portrayed couples that fell in love within a matter of minutes, got married, and “lived happily ever after.” In a content analysis of popular movies targeted toward young adults, Signorielli (1997) found about a third of the female characters were motivated by a strong desire for romance with “the right one.” In addition, Pardun (2002), in a content analysis of the 15 movies viewed by the largest number of teens in 1995, found that a major theme regarding relationships in these movies was the notion that love “just happens;” “then ‘somehow,’ you just end up married, and that's when the mundane begins” (p. 224). In a content analysis of every article in every Seventeen magazine issue between 1974 and 1994, Carpenter (1998) found that discussions of romance pervaded throughout the period, including consistent themes about “love at first sight” and meeting the “the one and only.” Wray and Steele (2002) replicated this work by demonstrating that every Seventeen magazine of sixteen straight issues gave romance and finding the “ideal guy” prime placement on the cover and in the pages of the magazine.

Previous Work with Media and Relationship Beliefs

Only a handful of studies have previously looked for any potential relationship between romantic relationship variables and media variables. Haferkamp (1999) found a positive association between people's amount of television viewing and the belief that the “sexes are different.” In addition, the study showed a positive association between watching soap operas and the belief that “mind reading is expected” in a relationship. Segrin and Nabi (2002) found a significant positive association between consumption of romance-oriented television and idealized expectations of marriage. Shapiro and Kroeger (1991) found a weak but significant relationship between unrealistic relationship beliefs and romantic novel and comedy movie consumption. None of these studies directly addressed the potential relationship between media and beliefs related to romantic destiny.

The Current Work: Research Questions and Theoretical Linkage

RQ1: Is there a relationship between individuals' preferences for/liking of romance oriented media and their beliefs about relationship destiny?

There are a number of different theories for why preference for/liking of romance media might be associated with beliefs in relationship destiny. According to cultivation theory, for instance, the relationship between media messages and individuals' beliefs and attitudes about their social environment will be moderated by their overall television consumption such that the more television viewers watch, the more they will cultivate information from television into their perceptions of reality (Gerber, 1969; Gerber & Gross, 1976; Gerber, Gross, Morgan, & Signorielli, 1994). So while cultivation theory could serve as one potential framework, the emphasis of the current work is more on individuals' preferences for/like of romance-oriented media than consumption per se. While preference for/like of media certainly can give an indication of exposure, it cannot be assumed.

Unlike the traditional use of cultivation theory, this work is more in line with those studying differential cultivation effects (e.g., Hawkins & Pingree, 1982; Hirsch, 1980; Rössler & Brosius, 2001; Signorielli, 1991; Weaver & Wakshlag, 1986), who argue that specific media messages may produce content-specific effects. Perse, Ferguson, and McLeod (1994) argue that cultivation of specific attitudes appears to be related to consumption of specific genres, rather than undifferentiated media consumption. For instance, exposure to real-world depictions of violence on television have been shown to have a greater influence in inflating people's assessment of risk for victimization, compared to just exposure to high amounts of television in general (Potter, 1993). However, the current work defines romance-oriented media more broadly than simply television concerning relationships. Theory about differential cultivation effects still does not address the potential effects of non-television media. Just as television has become more specialized and fragmented, other media sources have become ever more important sources of information and entertainment (e.g., genre-specific film, genre-specific magazines, the Internet) and deserve attention, alongside television.

The application of social cognitive theory (Bandura, 1986; 2002) also leads us to the idea that individuals may learn about norms and ideals regarding romance from the media. The theory demonstrates how individuals observe media characters and the consequences for their actions, learn what those consequences suggest for what is valued or deemed appropriate in society (and what is not), and consider that information in the formation of their own attitudes and the enactment of their behavior. Bandura (2002) describes the vicarious capability of individuals that allows them to engage in “observational learning” — witnessing and considering the experiences and responses of others — rather than learning only through the effects of their own actions. Importantly, the “others” who serve as behavioral models for individuals consist of both individuals in one's own environment and individuals who appear in the media (Bandura & Huston, 1961; Bandura, Ross, & Ross, 1963). Because direct contact with others in one's own environment is likely to be constrained to largely the same set of people each day, the media outweigh those other sources in shaping social reality because they broaden what individuals can observe (Bandura, 2002). Bandura (2002) notes, for instance, that individuals may find verification of beliefs and behavior in media portrayals, which often contain distortions of the social world, thereby leading the individual to inaccurate conclusions. While the theory is useful as a general framework for helping explain a relationship between preferences for/like of romance media and attitudes about relationships, we were limited by the exploratory nature of this research in testing how/why those mechanisms might function. Such testing of the mechanisms is beyond the scope of this work.

RQ2: Does a relationship between romance media preference and beliefs about relationship destiny stand even when taking into account gender and relationship experience variables?

Social cognitive theory (Bandura, 2002) postulates that individuals observe models of behavior and may take from them a central, generative lesson about romance. Yet, that lesson is not singular, but rather is likely to be different for different audience members, shaped by their preference for the media form in question, their conceptions of the attractiveness of the depictions of romance, and their own values and prior notions on the topic. Therefore, while we are not testing the function of the processes of the theory per se, we are considering the potential contribution that non-media related variables such as gender and relationship experiences may play on both preference for media and relationship beliefs.

Method

Participants

Two hundred ninety-four undergraduate students from a large public university in the Northeast USA participated in exchange for extra credit in their psychology class (84 men and 209 women; average age 19.8, SD 1.7). Five percent of participants classified themselves as Asian-American, 2% as Hispanic/Latino, 87% as Caucasian, 2% as African-American, and 4% as “other.” Ninety-six percent of the participants identified themselves as heterosexual, 1% as gay/lesbian/homosexual, and 3% as bisexual. Seventy-two percent of the participants reported being in an exclusive romantic relationship (52%) or dating (20%) at the time of the study.

Measures

Romance media preference. A measure was created to assess participants' preference for/liking of romance-oriented media content. The researchers used the Internet to create lists of television programming, major motion pictures, and popular magazines considered to have relationship/romance-oriented themes. All programming on major networks (ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX) and cable (MTV, HBO) was explored for appropriate content. Motion pictures included in the official genre romantic comedy were chosen from several Internet ratings of the most popular romantic comedies over time. Magazines were chosen from descriptions of content taken from various listings of the most popular magazines. A panel of six undergraduate students (three males and three females) first independently, then collectively, made suggestions on additional content to add and on content to remove from the lists. The final lists are presented in the Appendix. Participants were instructed to first circle all content they were familiar with, then to mark how much they like or dislike each program, film, or magazine (using a 7-point scale 1 = Strongly Dislike, 7 = Strongly Like). A global preference for romance media score was created by aggregating all individual item scores for television programming, motion pictures, and magazines (i.e., global mean score on a 1-to-7 scale).

Belief in predestined soul mates. Using a separate but representative college sample,a measure was created to assess participants' belief in predestined soul mates. Subjects rated the following seven items on a 7-point-scale (1 = Strongly disagree, 7 = Strongly agree): “I will feel an instant sense of oneness and indivisibility with my romantic soul mate”, “Fate has the power to bring two people together”, “Meeting the right person only happens once in a lifetime”, “I will know my romantic soul mate when I meet him/her”, “I believe in love at first sight”, “I believe there is one and only one special romantic soul mate ‘out there’”, “I believe two people can be meant for each other.” Cronbach's Alpha for the sample used for scale development was .80 and was .76 for the current study.

Dysfunctional beliefs related to relationship destiny. The “Mind reading is expected” and “Sexual Perfectionism” subscales of Eidelson and Epstein's (1982) Relationship Beliefs Inventory (RBI) were used to assess dysfunctional beliefs related to a general belief in relationship destiny. The RBI subscales consist of eight items each accompanied by a 7-point scale (1 = Strongly disagree, 7 = Strongly agree). Sample items include “People who have a close relationship can sense each other's needs as if they could read each other's minds” and “I get upset if I think I have not completely satisfied my partner sexually.” Internal reliability for the RBI scales has been shown to range from .72 to .81 (see Eidelson & Epstein, 1982, for more details). Cronbach's Alpha for the subscales used in the current study was .73 and .75, respectively.

Procedure

The measures were administered separately to groups of 35 to 50 at a time. Rigorous means were used to ensure that each participant felt entirely comfortable during the study (e.g., adequate space between seats, sealed envelopes for the measures, total anonymity). Informed consent was obtained.

Results

RQ1: Preference for/like of romance media and beliefs about destiny in relationship

We asked if preference for romance media would be related to people's beliefs about destiny in relationships. Indeed, as shown in the zero-order correlation matrix in Table 1, there were significant positive relationships between preference for/like of romance media and individuals' beliefs in predestined soul-mates (r = .28, p < .001) and belief that mind-reading is expected in relationships (r = .24, p < .001). There was however no relationship between preference for romance media and belief in sexual perfectionism.

RQ2: Romance media preference and beliefs about relationship destiny while taking into account gender and relationship experience variables

As shown in Table 1, univariate analysis indicated a significant relationship between gender and preference for romance media (r = .34, p < .001) with females more likely to prefer romance media. Female gender was also positively associated with both the belief that mind reading is expected in a relationship (r = .14, p < .05). The results also showed a negative correlation between gender and belief in sexual perfectionism (r = -.21, p < .001) indicating that males were more likely to believe in sexual perfectionism. There were however no significant relationships between relationship experiences and preference for romance media.

We asked if the relationship between romance media and beliefs would stand even when taking into account the contribution of gender and relationship experience variables. Given the associations with gender found in the univariate analysis, the potential interaction between gender and romance media was tested in the multivariate analysis. Perhaps the results would indicate that the relationship between preference for media and beliefs would vary in accordance with the gender of the participant, even while taking into account their relationship experiences. Continuous predictor variables were centered and a romance media preference X gender interaction term was created in accordance with Aiken and West (1991). Hierarchical multiple regressions were employed and values for all regressions are shown in Table 2.

Belief in predestined soul mates, mind reading is expected in a relationship, and sexual perfectionism were independently regressed on current relationship status and number of recent relationships (Step 1), gender and romance media preference (Step 2), and the interaction of gender X romance media preference (Step 3). Step 1 accounted for no variance. For belief in predestined soul mates, preference for romance media (Step 2) accounted for 8% of the explained variance, β = .27, t = 4.46, p < .001 (medium sized effect; according to Cohen & Cohen, 1983, the standards for effect sizes are: small = 1%, medium = 9%, large = 24%) while participant gender showed no significant contribution. Romance media preference X gender (Step 3) did not account for any significant amount of variation above that explained at Step 2. Likewise, for the belief that mind reading is expected in a relationship, Step 1 accounted for no variance. Preference for romance media (Step 2) accounted for 6% of the explained variance (small to medium effect size), β = .21, t = 4.43, p < .001, while participant gender had no contribution. As with the previous analysis, romance media preference X gender (Step 3) did not account for any significant amount of the variance beyond that explained at Step 2. Likewise, for the belief in sexual perfectionism, Step 1 accounted for no variance. Consistent with the univariate analysis, preference for romance media (Step 2) did not account for explained variance, while participant gender (women coded 1, men coded -1) accounted for 4% (small effect size), β = -.23, t = -3.59, p < .001. Romance media preference X gender (Step 3) did not account for any significant amount of the variance beyond that explained at Step 2.

Discussion

A large majority of young people report that they turn to the media to learn about romantic relationships (Bachen & Illouz, 1996). Yet, the general topic of romance and the media remains severely under explored. Although many would anecdotally agree that romantic themes prevail in much popular media content, thorough systematic content analyses on the topic are much needed. Similarly, a surprisingly scant amount of previous research has been conducted on how and what individuals can learn about romance through media consumption (Haferkamp, 1999; Segrin & Nabi, 2002; Shapiro & Kroeger, 1991) and no known previous research has focused specifically on the potential relationship between preference for/like of romance media and beliefs regarding romantic destiny. The current work extends the scant literature on romance and media by providing exploratory evidence on this particular topic. Given the social significance that learning from the media may have for the formation of relationship-related attitudes, we call for extensive research into this area.

Knee et al. (2001) showed that belief in relationship destiny has negative consequences for relationship functioning. People with these types of beliefs tend to want to give up too easily in a relationship when confronted with problems, interpreting strife as a sign that the relationship “just wasn't meant to be.” Yet, little is known about the origin of these types of beliefs. A number of researchers have argued that popular media might be a potential source of dysfunctional beliefs about relationships (Bachen & Illouz, 1996; Signorielli, 1989). Indeed, research about relationships shows that when notions are in place about some easily achieved state of romantic bliss, satisfaction with one's own relationship may decrease (Baucom & Epstein, 1990; Baucom et al., 1996; Bradbury & Fincham, 1987; Kurdek, 1992), ability to solve relationship-related problems may suffer (Metts & Cupach, 1990), and distress may surface (Eidelson & Epstein, 1982; Epstein & Eidelson, 1981).

The current study found an association between belief in predestined soul mates and preference for romance media, even while taking into account other non media-related variables such as the gender of the participant, current relationship status, and number of recent relationships. In addition, the current findings extend previous related work (Haferkamp, 1999; Shapiro & Kroeger, 1991; Segrin & Nabi, 2002) by further finding an association between media habits and dysfunctional relationship beliefs (Eidelson & Epstein, 1982) related to beliefs in relationship destiny. The belief that “mind reading is expected in a relationship” was associated with preference for romance media. In particular, this belief implies that if two people are “meant for one another” then they should understand and predict each other's wishes and desires with little effort or communication (Epstein & Eidelson, 1981). However, belief in sexual perfectionism was not associated with preference for romance media, but was, rather, positively associated with male gender. One interpretation of this finding is that romance media may focus more strongly on the ideally romantic nature of relationships as opposed to sexuality and that males are more socialized towards expectations of sexual perfection. It may also be that there are differences in sexual experiences that we could not account for in this exploratory work because we asked about relationship experiences and not sexual experiences within those relationships. Future work should clarify both romantic experiences as well as sexual experiences in relation to beliefs about sexual perfectionism.

Given the exploratory nature of the research, caution needs to be taken in drawing conclusions from the findings. Instead the findings should be used as a starting point from which to do more extensive research on this topic. Though both cultivation theory (Gerber & Gross, 1976) and social cognitive theory (Bandura, 2002) can inform this work, neither one is explicitly tested in the current study. Future research needs to be designed to test the specific processes that may lie behind the relationships found in this data. In order to properly test for media effects using a cultivation paradigm, future work will need to capture overall television exposure to see if it is related to beliefs about romantic relationship destiny. However, past research has shown that cultivation of specific attitudes may be related to consumption of specific genres, rather than undifferentiated television consumption (Perse, Ferguson, and McLeod, 1994). Hence, in line with the differential cultivation effects approach (Hawkins & Pingree, 1982; Hirsch, 1980; Rössler & Brosius, 2001), we recommend that future research test specifically the effects of consumption of romance television programming in comparison to overall television consumption.

However, cultivation theory, as traditionally used, does not lend itself easily to incorporating non-television media into the research, nor to asking how variables such as preference for, or liking of, media may influence exposure. Social cognitive theory (Bandura, 2002), on the other hand, may also help inform the results found and function as a basis for future work. Indeed, the theory provides a potentially sound explanation for how media function as sources of cultural information about relationships and shape the formation of attitudes about romance as well as subsequent behavior. To test the theory more precisely, we suggest that future work focus on assessing individual differences that may influence how and why an individual prefers romance media, how those differences may influence how much the individual exposes themselves to that type of media, if and how preconceptions may influence how the individual attends to, retains, and interprets the messages in the media, and if and how individual traits in people influence how they incorporate media messages into their own romantic lives (Bandura, 2002).

The study focused on college students because people in this particular age group tend to be avid popular media consumers, and there is no reason to assume that these preliminary findings would generalize to an older sample. People might become increasingly wiser to unrealistic messages portrayed in popular media as they have more actual relationship experiences themselves, although interestingly we did not find relationship experience related to these dysfunctional beliefs. In addition, given the correlational design of the study, no answer can be provided as to whether consuming media directly affects people's relationship beliefs, whether people with predisposed beliefs seek out media that confirm these beliefs, whether the relationship is bi-directional, or whether other unaccounted for variables are responsible for the associations found. Future research on the influences of media messages on people's relationship beliefs should also incorporate experimental methods that help tease apart causality. The potential for bidirectional influence — the pre-existence of beliefs about relationships leads to exposure to romance media and exposure to romance media reinforces beliefs about relationships — should also be explored using a combination of correlational and experimental designs. While we are excited about the future of such work, we are reserved in terms of what can be concluded based on these initial exploratory findings. We do, however, hope that preliminary work will inspire others to carry this line of research forward.

Author's Note:

* The author would like to thank Erica Sharrer for her contributions to earlier drafts of this paper and would like to thank Katie Quinn for assistance in data collection. Author correspondence to Dr Bjarne M. Holmes, Psychology, Heriot-Watt University, Edinburgh EH14 4AS, United Kingdom, B.M.Holmes@hw.ac.uk.

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