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Conflict and interdependence Perceived Scarce Resources The nature of resources. A resource can be defined as "any positively perceived physical, economic or social consequence" (Miller and Steinberg 1975, 65). The resources may be objectively real or perceived as real by the person. Likewise, the perception of scarcity or limitation may be apparent or actual. For example, close friends often think that if their best friend likes someone else, too, then the supply of affection available to the original friend will diminish. This may or may not be so, but a perception that affection is scarce may well create genuine conflict between the friends. Sometimes, then, the most appropriate behavior is attempting to change the other person's perception of the resource instead of trying to reallocate the resource. Ultimately, one person can never force another to change his or her valuing of a resource or perception of how much of the resource is available, but persuasion coupled with supportive responses for the person fearful of losing the reward can help. Money, natural resources such as oil or land, and jobs may indeed be scarce or limited resources. But intangible commodities such as love, esteem, attention, respect, and caring may also be perceived as scarce. A poignant example concerns dropouts in the school system. By watching videotapes of classroom interactions, researchers could predict by the fourth grade, which students would later drop out of school. The future dropouts were those students who received, either by their own doing or the teacher's, very limited eye contact from the teacher. They became, nonverbally, nonpersons. The glances, looks, smiles, and eye contact with the important person in the room became a scarce resource upon which the students were highly dependent. Often, children fight with one another over teacher attention – a perceived scarcity. Or, they fight with the teacher, resulting in a gain of that resource. A child would rather get negative attention than none. When rewards are perceived as scarce, an expressed struggle may be initiated. Key
resources in interpersonal conflict. In interpersonal struggles, two resources often perceived
as scarce are power
and
self-esteem.
Whether the parties are in conflict over a desired romantic partner or a
coveted raise, perceived scarcities of power and self-esteem are
involved. People engaged in conflict often say things that may be easily
interpreted as power and self-esteem struggles, such as in the following
scenarios:
"She always gets her own way." (She has more power than I do, and I feel at a constant disadvantage. I'm always one down.) "He is
so sarcastic! Who does he think he is? I don't have to put up with his
mouth!" (I don't have ways to protect myself from biting sarcasm.
It feels like an attack. I feel humiliated. The only power I have is to
leave.) "I
refuse to pay one more penny in child support." (I feel
unimportant. I don't get to see the children very often. I've lost my
involvement with them. Money is the only way I have to let that be
known. I don't want to feel
like a loser and a fool.) "I won't
cover for her if she asks me again. She can find someone else to work
the night shift when her kids get sick."
(I feel taken advantage of. She only pays attention to me when
she needs a favor.) Regardless of the particular content issues involved, people in conflict usually perceive that they have too little power and self-esteem and that the other party has too much. Of course, with each person thinking and feeling this way, something needs to be adjusted. Often, giving the other person some respect, courtesy, and ways to save face balances each person’s perception of resources and decreases the likelihood of conflict. Reprinted
with permission of the publisher. |
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